Because...
I am lonely.
I dread waking up to a new day of being alone, talking to nobody but a two year old and one year old...and waiting...waiting...waiting...for the moment Adam walks through the door...tired, cold, hungry...after 9pm.
I hate that my daughters, again this week, have not seen their Dad for the third day today.
I hate that his bosses make them work so much. He has a good job, no doubt, but it is getting out of control.
I hate that my husband says "I wonder when I'll get to eat dinner with my family again".
I hate that when my husband does get home, he is so tired from working 10-13 hour days that I don't really get to spend time with him before he dozes off.
I'm tired of being bored, because there is nothing to do in this crap hole town.
I hate eating my dinner alone.
I hate that I don't know why...I am not making the same effort to be with God as I use to. It's not like I don't have the time...
I hate that I've been waiting on my mom to go shopping with me for almost two weeks now, but she is too busy and I have nobody else to go with.
I hate that thing's have changed.
I hate that I cry every single day.
OK, I hate pregnancy hormones!
I hate that I don't want to go to church five million times a week for different things, like I use to.
I hate that I am being so negative after all that God has done for me and blessed me with.
I hate that I'm probably depressing whoever is reading this.
I hate that even when I have a babysitter, I am always so worried about the kids driving them nuts or me taking to long, that I don't ever get to enjoy whatever I'm doing.
I hate it when random people come up to me and just say "i'm praying for you..." it makes me feel like they think they have it all together and I don't.
I hate that I haven't lifted my hands in praise and worship in months.
I hate that someone is going to read this and think that I need some major help and prayers...and in turn treat me all weird and try to get me to tell them everything.
I hate that I over analyze people and their motives. I try to figure people out too much.
I feel better now.
Don't feel bad for me, I hate it when people feel bad for me. My life is fine, im just pregnant and depressed (self diagnosis) and my hormones are insane.
And, yes, you can leave me a comment saying that you are praying for me (if you are....) since you now know what is really going on.
And, yes, you can leave me a comment saying that you are praying for me (if you are....) since you now know what is really going on.
Pray that I pray about this stuff.
ugh. pregnancy hormones *do* suck. and when you add to that, other stresses, you're bound to feel a little depressed, mama. 100% understandable. and it's good to get it off your chest. hope things get better for ya!
ReplyDeleteHope things get betta for you soon
ReplyDeletePraying for you..
:-)
P.s. I respect your honesty.
ReplyDeleteoxoxooxox very refreshing :) oxoxox
I have days, weeks, months, like this....
ReplyDeleteI understand :)
Feels good to get it out, huh?
You are not alone in these feelings. Any of them! I know all too well how it feels.
ReplyDeleteHow about praying WITH you instead of FOR you?
We still need to figure out a way to see each other once it gets warmer. I am not a fan of getting out in this weather.... Or maybe a BK play area date is in order?
Think about often even if you don't hear from me!
Oh hon I hate you're feeling this way. Pregnancy can get to you at times. And I totally understand how you feel about your husband working.
ReplyDeleteLast night was the first night that we have actually eaten dinner with my husband all week long. And it was the first time my kids have seen their dad other than first thing in the morning when he's leaving for work. Even last night he left right after dinner to go to a meeting so I'm right where you are right now and totally understand the lonely feeling!
Ah Shay!
ReplyDeleteI could have written this same post. I could add a few more but I probably shouldn't? Maybe just one? I hate that when I finally get out of the house I cry in my car praying nothing will happen to me or one of the kids. Wrecks the whole outing. Maybe wrecks is the wong word...how about ruin?
Really, I ditto this post!
Thanks for sharing. I now know I'm not alone.
Tina
Five months post pregnancy hormones.
It's so hard when Dad can't be around. Dan used to work late nights and I hated it and used to get upset...but I realized he hated it just as much :( And the kids were little...makes it so hard! Hang in there! I've so been there too...and still go there sometimes! Some days are better than others for sure! Take care :)
ReplyDeleteI hear you. My hubs works an hour away each way and then works 10 our days too. So I won't see him until about 9:30 or 10pm tonight. It is tough on us and I am not even pregnant.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
MImi
Thanks for being so honest, could've posted the same things I am feeling and have felt so many times.....this too shall pass. I love you girl, you are welcome to come visit me anytime, that I am off, which has been rare lately. Praying for a better day!
ReplyDeleteShay...I love you...not going to tell you I am praying for you and not going to say I feel sorry for you BUT I do understand. I remember these days when we lived in Japan and when Dale was on the drill field. So we need to laugh more!!!
ReplyDeleteHormones can do that to you...and like one other commentor...I will pray with you..not for you.
ReplyDeleteI pray for laughter and peace in your home.....for more time with your husband...and for you to be anointed with a special dose of Passion for things of the Lord and for time spent with him. May you be dancing in the Spirit...soon.
You know we've probably all been in some state of where you are at one time or another....your honesty is refreshing
I could have written a post just like this only my mother would call and I don't even want to go there! I hate it that my husband is gone for a year and I hardly get to talk to him. I hate it also when people are telling me they're praying for me and have that look of sympathy in their eyes. They have no clue what it's like to say good bye to your husband knowing you may never see him again but the reality is he'll be home in a year. A year. I hate that when I try to pray these days all I do is break down and cry.
ReplyDeleteThere I did it. Thank you. I know my mother won't see this!
I really do hope you're doing better.
Hey, sometimes life is just hard! Understanding you right now!
ReplyDeleteit's good to get it off your chest. hope things get better for ya!
ReplyDeleteWork from home India