Permanency

Truth is, I almost forgot Angie was going to be leaving soon.
It was in my head, I'd occasionally tell myself "She's going to be leaving soon".
On a bad week, I'd find myself telling my friends "She should be going home soon, thank goodness". 


Confession, some days I'd look forward to her not being here. Some days I crave my "normal" life again (whatever that is). The life without case workers, gals, meetings, visits. You know, the life where we parented just our own children. 


So when I got the letter in the mail today that her permanency plan meeting has been scheduled...for soon...I knew that meant it's getting closer and closer to court day- to her leaving. I should have been expecting it, but instead it kind of punched me in the stomach. It's not easy...but it feels like she is ours. She thinks we are her family. She thinks I'm her mom, she thinks that she just had a new baby brother ( and my does she love him). She fights with her sisters, and she also cares for them. I overheard her the other day....Ava was crying and she ran to her, got down on her level and said "It's ok Ava, I'm here now, it's ok." 


And tonight, after I managed to shove the thought of her leaving into the back of my head...we were out to dinner and she asked me "Can you take a picture with me?". Of course I'd take a picture with her, and she was sure to put on her biggest, cheesiest, funny smile of all. You can't even see her eyes!

She is worth it. The whining, the vomit & poop episodes, the tantrums and just the hard stuff that comes with parenting a child that is not yours. The smiles. The laughs. The sweetness. Listening to her tell me about her new bedroom at her mom and dads house. 

When God calls you to step up the the plate, to do something, to act, to give up your "normal" life...it's not going to be easy. Some days you have to choose to love. Choose to find joy in the mess. In the heartache. Fostering may not be the most popular thing to do, but we know the need. We do it for him and we can rest assured that God has a plan and he is never going to leave us. Angie is here for a "reason and a season". I often wonder...why in the world did God bring her into our family? What can we possibly do for her? (deeper than providing her basic needs). Out of all the foster children in our county, all of the foster parents, he matched us. It's all we can do then to trust HIM with her future.