Hurt.

I have a bunch of thoughts and emotions right now, but I'm not sure how to express what I'm thinking/feeling.

Random Thoughts, bare with me! :

There are so many emotions that come along with fostering children, and we have not had our first placement! On our end of the rope, getting licensed and wondering about what the child/children will be like, turning a room in our home into a warm safe place for them, and the excitement of having more children in our family is all really, well, exciting!

{middle sister told me today that when our "brother or sister leaves", they have to bring the bunk beds that we bought them with them. They can't leave their beds here! Not so sure that will be happening!}

What's not so exciting is knowing that we would not have to be doing this at all if there was not a big mess of hurt somewhere. If there wasn't a mother addicted to drugs & alcohol, leaving her infant born addicted. If there wasn't a father who comes home drunk and beats his children. If there wasn't a couple so doped up that they don't feed their precious children for days at a time.

We are excited.

They are...scared. Terrified. Worried. Hurt.

Not just the children, their parents as well.

Fear. Worry. Hurt.

Brokenness.

It is hard knowing nothing about the child/children until a few hours before they are living in your home and your completely responsible for these children. Sweet, innocent, hurt children.

It is going to be hard to return children to their parents, after knowing why this is all happening...I pray that God gives me grace for these situations, and that he opens doors for Mr. and I to reach out to the parents.

I don't want their mother to think of me as the enemy.

But I understand why she would feel that way.

I don't want to return "our" children to not so great situations.

Let's face it, just because the parents have met the qualifications to have their children back, does not mean that they will be living in clean, "nice" homes. Does not mean that they are going to be loved on. Does not mean that they are not going to be exposed to things children shouldn't. Does not mean that their parents are going to try their best to be the best parents for that child and provide for him or her.

I pray for the children who are going to be placed in our home.

I pray for their mom and/or dad.

I pray for our future caseworkers, judges, and GALS.

I pray that God will keep his hand on the child/children and that whatever happens, will be in the best interest of the child.

I know that God has a plan for each child that he brings to our door.

His plans for his children are ALWAYS good, always.

Safety.

Security.

Love.

Hope.

I pray & trust that God will hand pick each child that is placed with us.

He knows our family.

He knows us.

He knows what we can handle and what we cannot.

He knows our concerns, he knows our hearts.

I read this today:

"‎"It is hard to watch innocent children, so full of potential and very much deserving of a bright future fall victim to the mistakes of their parents..."

One week until our inspections.

One week.

7 days.

What once seemed like it was never going to happen, is finally coming!