Where is he taking us?

It is very clear that God has laid adoption-of some kind-on our hearts. I say of some kind, because I am not sure where God is leading us, and it's kind of driving me insane.
Is his plan for us to adopt internationally? My heart breaks for Africa...but is that where HE wants us to go? I've done all the reading & researching, talking with agencies, thinking of fundraisers, and in my head I have spent countless hours planning this thing out and I'm ready to go!

Or is his plan right here? Right in our own state?I never stopped long enough to ask God what he wants us to do with the seed he has planted. I just got excited and jetted off into the path I wanted to take.

I have stumbled upon a few blogs lately of beautiful families who have adopted through foster care. One family, an adorable blue eyed six year old girl. Another family a handsome three year old little boy and a chubby little hispanic baby girl. YES- a BABY through the state! And one family with a beautiful sibling set of three! They first became foster parents, and sadly the children's birth parents just could not get their lives together, and their rights were terminated, leaving the foster parents the chance to adopt them.

As I am reading the updates, looking at the pictures, emailing them about their experiences...I have asked myself lately...could this be where God is leading us? Maybe his plan isn't my plan- my perfectly planned out & scheduled plan. And I have to say- I'm kind of scared!

Scared? Why? I had been putting foster care, foster to adopt on the back burner for many reasons. One...I am deeply terrified of being placed with a child, falling head over heels with him/her (and my girls too!) and then the child being returned to his parents. Yes, I know, that is the goal, the purpose of foster care, that the child will be able to go back to their parents. I'm scared of my heart breaking for that child. I'm scared of missing that child. I'm scared that the child will go back to abuse, afterall, judges don't see or know everything.

Last night, a lovely woman from my church talked at our womens meeting. She was talking about Martha & Mary. How Martha needed facts...knowledge. Mary was the heart...the worshiper. There was a time that this woman was hurt...and she said in her head (like martha) she knew God loved her, that he was there and had a plan. But her heart (mary) was breaking. I think this is how I feel about this, too. I have the knowledge....I know that God is going to place us with the perfect child for our family. I know that he has a plan for this child and for us. I know that I have to trust in him and not worry. But, my heart is scared. Martha & Mary.

I just want to do what he wants us to do. I wish he would just write it on a piece of paper and send it to me somehow. I wish he could just tell me, I always doubt my "feelings".