Fear

Fear has been on my mind lately. Why?

Well, I am nearing the end of my pregnancy, & I can't help but fear that something will happen to the baby, honestly.

I know a handful of women personally who have had their full term babies pass away before they even got to take a breath.

Even my own little middle sister was born with a true knot in her cord, & the doctor told it was a miracle she was alive.

It's just one of those...biggest-fear things.

However, the last thing that I want to do (or should do) is sit around worrying and being afraid. Yet, I find myself thinking about it many times a day.

I have prayed & prayed over it, day after day...sunday after sunday. But it's still there.

I have the bible verses.

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.

Psalm 27:1
The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 56:3-4
When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?

2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

So why don't I have peace yet?

I already know why.

Because God still let's these things happen to his children.

God's children do still have children/infants die. Just because I am his, does not mean I am invincible from anything that awful happening to me.

However, doesn't that interfere with the trust part?

I hear so often "you just have to believe & trust God that nothing is going to happen".

But to me that doesn't make sense, because even the most God loving & trusting people in the world, like I said, still lose their children.

I have got to overcome this fear! I want to spend this next two or three weeks enjoying this creation inside me, not worrying about it all the time.

I remember last fall when Adam & I started to try for this baby. I mean, we both really prayed everyday for her. One Sunday a master's commission group came to visit & they had this big "alter call" (not a salvation one, more like a...come to the alter & praise God kinda thing & a few people got prayed over, etc). So I was standing up there, holding a friends sleeping baby actually, and a young teen girl came up to me & said that she was lead to tell me that "the blessing I have been asking for is coming". I got really excited, because I knew what it was, and exactly one week later, we got our positive test.

I smile every time I think of that, and that is what I have to keep remembering when I begin to think a little too much. I do need to trust in God. He did create this life inside me for a reason, a purpose. Whatever that may be. She is healthy & growing and is going to be an amazing miracle when she does make her way into the world. She is his.

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:25-27