In a funk.

I am being forced to blog tonight!

I am still out of the blogging mood.

So, lets see...

My husband work's way too much. Not really his fault, they have so much work to do that his bosses wont let any of them leave until 7pm. Which means...if they finish a job at 6:30, they have to pick up another. Who know's how long that job could take. So the earliest that Adam has been home all week...or really the past 2 weeks, is 8pm. The latest he's been home is 11pm, and that is 5-6 days a week. He is tired, and I am tired. This sucks, I hate it...it stresses me out and I feel like a single mom raising two kids alone. I did not vision my life being like this, this week my kid's didn't see their dad for four days straight. It's so hard...I hate to be complaining like this...I'm just venting. I'm pregnant, and I'm tired. There are days that I wonder why God made me a mom...because I feel like the most awful mom in the world sometimes. Days like today...when I'm sick and my husband works and my kids are driving me crazy. When I break down and cry because all I want to do is scream at them at the top of my lungs, hire a sitter, and take a bath. Today, I would pay someone to let me work part time.

My kids...are being my kids. They drive me crazy sometimes, but I can't help but love them. Every week Adison talks more and more. She is so into reading. She says "read mom, read!" and I have to read the same book over and over. (and over...and over...and over again!) Riley is just Riley. Talkative and very funny. Tonight as I was tucking her into bed, she rubbed my face and said "your sweet mommy, your not a monster." Hmmm...thank you Riley...because I was beginning to wonder...

Baby number 3 is fine...as far as I know. I'm 10 weeks, and the baby is the size of a kumquat (like a small orange thingy...). My first appointment is Friday, and I can't wait! I can't wait to have an ultrasound and see it. I have not had any morning sickness still, just feeling tired and blah as usual. Oh, and fat. Very fat. Because I am only 10 weeks, and I'm busting out of my clothes already. Literally, a pair of pants that I wore to church two weeks ago...well I put them on today and I have about 4 inches before they will begin to button. Not kidding, at all. So, I zipped them halfway...because thats as far as they would go. I folded them over, and wore a long shirt. Pathetic! 10 weeks, this is going to be a long pregnancy! I am really worried about my weight gain. With Riley I gained 83 lbs. The day I went into labor I was 270lbs. No joke...it grosses me out thinking about it. So then, after birth I lost 45lbs before finding out I was pregnant again. This time, I gained 22lbs total. AFTER Adison...I seriously dieted and got back down to 187...pre-pregnancy weight for my wedding. Yes...I know that is still a giant whale...I do hold my weight well if that counts for anything. However....I've gained weight since my wedding and I don't want to know how much I weigh right now. I really don't! The fact that I'm ten weeks and busting out of my clothes is telling me I've gained too much already. My friend say's it's normal because it's my third and you show sooner with every pregnancy, that her and other friends she has have all been in maternity pants by 12 weeks with their third. For some reason... I'm not believing it has anything to do with showing...because the baby is still teeennyyy tiny. UGH! It will be okay...I know it will. I just wish I were one of those tiny little women who didn't ever have to worry about it. Unfortunately, my family is full of overweight Italians with no metabolism. Gross. So, I did buy some gender specific items on Thursday! Kept the receipts...of course. 8-10 weeks and we will know for sure if it's a girl or boy! :)

On the 6th, our church is starting a 21 day Daniel fast. Do I want to do it? Heck no. Am I going to? Yes...because I need to. I need a break through, I need to give up something for him, and it wont hurt on my weight gain process either. I don't have any reason not too. But, I am NOT looking forward to it, at all.

Phew. Hope everyone is doing well. I can't wait to get out of the funk I'm in and get back in the blogging world. I am off to write my New Year's Resolutions...:)