Progress

Day 6 with Angie. Wow, has it already been six days? Time is flying. We are learning, she is learning.

It is tough difficult stressful just plain hard raising someone else's child.

It is hard to hear her ask me if we can call her mom.

It is hard to hear her say she misses her granddaddy and "Samantha".

It is hard to hear her calling our dog "Bishop".

It is hard especially when she is hurting and cries out for her mom.

I often don't know what to say. I thought I was more prepared than I am. I just do everything I can to make sure she knows that I am here for her, I will comfort her, I will protect her and meet her needs.

We are trying some attachment techniques with her so she can identify us at her caregivers. Not anyone who comes along and is nice to her. I was really confused the first few days on what to do. Will attaching and establishing a strong bond with her only set her up for failure in the end, when she has to leave? Will it make it harder on her, or on whoever will be caring for her after us? I hated the idea of having a strong bond with her...and then one day being ripped out of her life like everyone else has been. I see what it has done to her, I hear and I have to help her through it. But someone shed some light on this for me and said that generally if a child is able to attach to one caregiver, then she will be able to attach to another. That it is better for her to attach to one then never attach at all.

We got a call from her worker this morning, she will be joining us on vacation this year! We are excited, she has no idea what she is in for (neither do we...!). Her parents are also coming into town next week and would like to see her, so she gets to see them for an hour next week. Sigh, and this is going to work out with our attaching how?? So confusing, for us and for her I am sure!

Truth is, I am totally selfish. As I was praying the other night, I realized just how hard it was for me to pray that her parents get their stuff together and are able to take her back. It's hard. Deep inside I want her, I don't want to give her back to them. After knowing what I know, why do they want her back anyway? It was hard because I know God answers prayers, I was afraid if I prayed for them to get her back, they would. I ended up praying that they would at least try. She deserves for them to fight for her. And I prayed that God would change my heart, because a part of this is the opportunity to pray for her parents. To be able to minister & help them too when given the opportunity. Hard. It's hard to love her parents and pray for them knowing what they have let her go through.

So thankful that I can rest assured knowing that God know's what he is doing. He knows.