He hold's us responsible.

If God lay's something on your heart, it's not going to go away. 

"God, who weighs are hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act. " -Proverbs 24:12

This has been on my mind allot lately, as my friends get closer and closer to bringing home their son from Africa, I am reminded of how this baby in my belly came to be! I have always wanted to adopt, I think ever since I was in middle school. But it was just a "good idea" or a "far off dream" I had that I never really thought I'd actually do, even though I wanted to. Then I met a couple who were doing it, actually adopting. It wasn't just a dream to them, they were making it a reality. 

Of course, it got me to thinking. By this point, I was saved, and had my two girlies and everything(this was just last year...). Adoption just would not leave my head. I researched it, I read, I watched tons of sweet "gotcha day" videos, and most importantly, I prayed on my "idea".  However, I was really doubting if this was a GOD thing, or a ME thing. Did I all of a sudden get the urge to adopt again because another couple was doing it? Because seeing someone in the process of doing it was really exciting? Because it would be an awesome experience? 

There is allot of things to get out of the way before we would be eligible to adopt. For one, my husband. Ok, not get him out of the way, he said we "can" adopt, but I'm not sure if he thinks I'm really serious and he has to be in this 100%. So that's one thing. The next big thing is time...which is really weird, actually. I have to be 25 years old to adopt. Along with that, we have to be debt free. (Ok, I am sure that with some agencies your allowed to have some debt, but being 100% debt free is something WE decided on before we allow ourselves to adopt. )

Maybe that is perfect timing? Maybe God laid this on my heart just in time, so that we have these next few years until I turn 25 to spend getting debt free and successfully living debt free for a bit. Not only time for finances, but time to spend praying...time to spend getting settled with the three children we have now (because seriously, to add ANOTHER kid to our already chaotic and crazy home right now, would not be pretty!) -meaning, I know I could not handle a 3, 2, infant, and whatever age child we would adopt right now. But, in a few years, these three will be 7, 6, and 4 (holy cow!) and it will be an entirely different situation and ball game them.

(listen to me...talking about how I think God has everything planned out for us,  I am going to look back and laugh after he blows us away with HIS plan).

Ok, what does this have to do with the baby your about to have? I decided that I really wanted to have another child fall of last year, when I thought it would make my want to adopt go away. Not even to go away, I feel like I was almost testing God...to make sure without a shadow of a doubt- that this was HIM weighing me down, and not myself. Because I knew, that If I got pregnant and still wanted to adopt a kiddo, that it was 100% God. If I got pregnant and that want died down...then I would know that it was just me wanting another kid.  Well, here I am 31 weeks pregnant with my third little girl, and I'm still researching & reading, dreaming and praying about the adoption of a possible 4th potter kiddo. (and honestly, being extremely jealous of my friends).

Does that sound awful? I hope nobody takes that in the wrong way, my husband and I tried for this baby and prayed for this baby for months before conceiving and we are very excited about this little one, don't get me wrong, no matter what I "thought", she is a blessing and we love her already, and she also make me realize and remember that 

It's not going to go away, because it's HIM.

God will make us wait. He knows what's best, he knows how everything is going to play out. HE knows, that we know. He knows that we know that it's our job to do something for these orphans. He knows, HE opened our eyes...and HE is going to hold us responsible now that we know. (phew, that's allot of KNOWS!)

What now? I cant pretend, I can't ignore it, I can't forget about it, I cant try to do something to stop it. But...I CAN wait on the Lord, and be really excited when we begin the adoption process (and be really excited for the couple we know who are very close to the "end"!). Whether its in 4 years, or 10 years, it's going to happen, I'm holding onto that. :) 

"God, who weighs are hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act. " -Proverbs 24:12